wow, there's a great lunar eclipse tonight! and I saw it by chance! I wonder if lunar eclipses mean anything? I mean is it effecting people's lifes? or maybe I should ask what kinds of energies occur during this eclipse? hihi, actually that was my mom's question:)

hope you have a wonderful wonderful weekend! I won't be at home this week and probably I won't be able to find internet so take care!

I'm having an interesting month.. first, after meditating to to find my inner power on 1 august (both solar eclipse and lugnasadh) I had some weird two days (until Cerberus clean the house for good!) during the meditation I asked for help and guidance to find my inner power and self confidence which I've been hiding somewehere in my mind and heart.. as solar eclipse occurs in leo I thought the energy of the lion could help me about power issues and so on..

then I sensed somebody, it was like a sudden energy blast (and adrenaline!! because I scared like hell!!) it was probably somebody who came to help as I asked for but I wasn't expecting it and I excused and run! I mean I ended the meditation:) you know, while meditating everything looks like you've created it, so you don't expect something else.. or maybe I should say I wasn't expecting a direct answer from anybody. especially anybody divine (although I called a lot of divine person that day!)

after the meditation I did some readings with tarot and my soul coaching oracle deck and then cerberus did some readings and it came out that that guy's aim was helping me someway, we didn't understand what or who it was though..

and the next day I saw a man in my room, standing in front of the door, only a meter away from me!
it was just a moment, you know, just for a second but I saw him and I knew he was the guy I saw in my meditation. but of course I scared again:D then I called Cerberus and he did this violet flame cleansing (I hope I remember right)

actually he warned me that I may see some violet flames in the room and I shouldn't scare because it's a very nice and helping energy but at that moment I was chatting with a friend of mine at MSN messenger so I couldn't see any flame but I can say it's a very strong cleaner! :D

anyways, I didn't see anybody after that day (thankfully!) but I think I'll do another meditation on the same matter, to see what's going on:)

and another weird thing is; I saw a dream that I was going to Germany for a reason and I was crying crying and crying! and there was a money issue, people was giving me and my mom money for my Germany issue.. then my mom had to move to Ankara.. it was a very complicated and a very long dream and I woke up with stress! then in the evening my aunt called us to say she came from Germany with my uncle to sell the house which descended from my grandma, btw we don't see eachother very often as they live in Germany oh and my grandma's house is in Ankara:) and we're planning to buy the house with taking bank credit.. it's not certain yet, but it's definitely stressful... oh and we're going to meet with my aunt and uncle in Ankara few days later.. hope everything goes ok :/

anyway, I was going to say seeing prophetic dreams is not very unusual for some people but I never see such dreams, isn't it weird? I mean if you're reading tarot, you ask for info and you get info but dreams? maybe I should work on my dreams, I liked seeing something useful:)

oooooohhh and I was almost forgetting, finally I bought a new camera!! it's sooo beautifull

here are some new pics from my new camera:))

and finally I found a pic that I'm not laughing wildly! it was very hard to choose few nice pics from hundreds of pics of me smiling like a lunatic! lol

ps : I realized that I have a lot of pics with my friends so I moved them to a new folder named ; PicsWithFriends!

I feel sooo inspired! like I have muse whispering to my ear tonight! I don't know how to tell the feeling but I've been writing for hours! and I now realized that I have the most vivid and inspirational dreams full of new ideas and different people from different times of my life these days..

is it another astrological effect or what?

I can say it's very powerful though! and although I slept almost all day and I could barely walk when I woke up I'm extremely energetic at the moment! maybe I can clean up my room a little then perform a ritual for showing my gratefulness to the Divine and the universe for the gifts I have.. like writing! which I haven't used it for almost a year or more..

woohoo! I love myself! and everything around me!... I feel like I've finally woke up and ready for the new umm... everything! :)

oh btw I'm not going to bulgaria. the thought of leaving my home, leaving my town, leaving my love, leaving my mother and leaving everything I got used to be mine made me feel sick! seriously, I was feeling like I was sick and going to die when the schools begin in october.. so I decided not to go, I'll study harder this time;)

hope everybody's having a nice weekend,

xxx&ooos to all!

yeah I've seen that there will be changes and beginnings in my life this year in every single divination method I used but I never ever thought such a big change in my life...

I'm going to study medicine in Bulgaria.

everything progressed amazingly quick! yesterday afternoon mommy called me and asked if I'd like to study medicine in bulgaria (?!?!?) yes I have bulgarian friends and I always wanted to see balkan countries but living there?.. hey I'm just a typical taurus* who values her home very much and I don't know how I am going to leave my home get used to live there.. yet I'll be in bulgaria in 3 months.. but of course I'll go see there before registering to the university

and I was thinking redecorating our house will bu such a big change!..

maybe I shouldn't have yelled at my mom " I WANT CHANGE IN MY LIFE!!!" but I was just talking about dying my hair! oh gosh...

ok. I see now universe -definitely- brings you what you've wanted. and I wanted change. I wanted to see bulgaria. and I wanted to study medicine this year. TA DAA!! I think I should have been more spesific.. LOL!

the bad thing is; I don't have ANY idea about bulgarian language and if I'm going to stay there(I don't think so but who knows!) I should learn bulgarian because I'll be eventually seeing bulgarian patients:) (at least while doing my apprenticeship)

the good thing is; I won't be alone there. A bulgarian turk friend from my school (we've been in the same class for 4 years) is coming with me. Actually I wouldn't pick him as a companion if I had the chance but he knows me very well, I know him very well and I know I can trust him. The best part is: he wants to study medicine too so we'll be in the same school and it's kinda relieving for me as he knows bulgaria very well. But my present boyfriend doesn't like him at all (jealousy issues!) and I don't know how to tell him...

about time issue; oh actually there are so many things I have to do that I don't want to list them here. I'll do that later. maybe

So, there are 2 possible universities for me now:

The Medical University of Sofia and Sofia University "St. Kliment Ohridski", actually I'd prefer going to a university in Varna but I don't know about universities there so I'd appreciate any help/ info about these universities. (Umm.. is there anybody who has been in Sofia or Varna??)

and I'll research for scholarship possibilities for foreigner students. if universe brings this chance to me then it also should bring me the money:p maybe I should say abundance in general, or just the scholarship.. I don't know

ok. that's enough for now I think, I should go eat something because I've been sitting here for hours..

* : you can check what a typical taurus is in my about me section. LOL.

and this is me trying to understand what my mom has said! lol

everything around me look so messy to me. my room, my home, my holiday, my future.. fortunately the least messy of them is my room so I can sit still in it but unfortunately it has a very heavy atmosphere.. literally. it seems like my room doesn't effected by any air circulation while the rest of house very airy. Do you know any feng-shui trick for that??* :)

*oh actually I have a huge mirror in my room next to my door, opposite of my window, does anybody can enlighten me about mirrors in feng-shui? I wonder a lot:)

about my holiday; after that music festival -and all other fun I had- my responsibilities -and some other issues- started to make a great pressure on me.. and I thought writing them may help

I just like to plan things and decide what my priority is, then act. but these days nothing went like I was planned, not like I'm ranting about it but I was just not expecting it and now they're making pressure on me.

first of all I had my university entrance exam and it wasn't so good after 2 stressful years of studying.. so I don't know whether I will go to university this year or study one more year. it's a really big problem for me and either way frighten me a lot. First of them means taking a big step in building my own life, and the latter means another creepy year of going to courses.. and I don't mention about the feeling about disappointing my mother.. and her friends don't make anything easier for me and for her

it seems like there're way too many things to do and no time to do them..

for example; mom decided to change her room's decoration completely so we must put all  our clothes to cardboard boxes but finding the boxes is harder than putting the clothes in it :/

then there comes my biggest dilemma; going to or not going to somewhere for summer holiday.. I don't know why but people act like they have to convince me to go to somewhere for holiday, seriously, they confuse my mind because I have neither time nor money..

actually I have money but I want to get a new camera and I also want to attend a percussion class:((

except from my holiday pleasures, there are some summer obligations like visiting grandpa.. it would't be a problem if we were seeing eachother regularly but after my graduation and after Cerberus' success in netherlands the whole family -father's side- decided to pop in to say hi.. and now we're going to Ankara to stay with grandpa for a week:(

and mom wants to go to see her sister too -whose husband is having cancer:( -but she lives in america so in all these stuff it's just another thing to worry about..

sometimes it's just hard.. I'm tend to be disappointed too easily and mommy is just doesn't let her past -and her failures- go :/

I feel like I can explode any moment! or maybe I've just done it..

oooh and I was almost forgetting, today a friend of my mom came to chit chat and told me that I should apply to somewhere to get my driving licence until friday and if I don't apply I may not able to get my driving licence for a long time as the system changes after january.. (!!!) I don't even know how to operate a car let alone driving it! but she was so convincing...

wish me some serenity guys:)